A British take on Star Wars

My brother slid me a copy of Empire magazine,
a British publication. It has a lot less fawning
over movie stars and their fashions (unlike one
of my old favorite magazines, EW).

Here is a funny bit, quoted from Empire,
about the upcoming Star Wars movie,
riffing on the fact that Episode III is a
sequel AND prequel, with an odd Brit slant:

Other things that have to happen before
A New Hope include...

1. The infant Luke has to be delivered to
the Lars' crib on Tatooine
2. The infant Leia has to be handed over
to Bail Organa
3. Like Late Review merging with Newsnight
(?) the Trade Federation has to be
subsumed into the Empire
3a. All the bad guys have to stop talking in
Japanese dialects and start talking
with English accents
4. Obi-Wan Kenobi has to find a property in
the Dune Sea
5. R2-D2 and C-3PO have to have their
memories wiped
6. Palpatine's face has to go all gammy
7. The hairstyles have to look like Toni & Guy
(?) circa 1976
8. Yoda has to bog off to Dagobah
9. All the hardware has to become scuffed-up
and used-looking

Look for Empire magazine at your local Barnes & Noble!